The Moscow Times. November 13, 1997.
Help for Shy Guys Seeking Women
By Katy Daigle
There are three ways to get to know a woman, according to Sergei Ogurtsov:
sneak in, knock on the door or storm the gates.
A self-proclaimed pikuper, or person skilled at picking up others, Ogurtsov,
26, advises hundreds of aspiring smooth-talkers. Every day, he answers
about 20 e-mail inquiries, visits his Internet chat line and soothes nervous
young people over the telephone. Once a week he meets his "students" in a
park or discotheque, where they can test their latest skills.
"Hello, girls. My friends and I wanted to ask you what you thought was the
best way for men to approach women," Ogurtsov says, demonstrating
what he claims is a nearly fail-proof line on two women recently in a cafe.
Women prefer to be asked their opinions rather than their phone numbers. They
also get defensive when they hear the same old lines, says Ogurtsov,
who studied psychology and nonverbal communication in college.
Ogurtsov's teachings are based on a survey he conducted of 100 randomly chosen
women in the metro. Every respondent said a man's clothing was
important. More than 75 percent said they couldn't name any specific actions
they liked when men approached them, but that they liked originality. The
older the women, the less patience they had with standards like "Hello, why
don't we get to know each other?" or "Could I have your number?"
Ogurtsov does not charge fees for his advice, he says. His motivation comes
from a desire to help others avoid the trauma he endured as an awkward,
shy teenager. Riding the metro to his university, Ogurtsov occasionally
mustered the courage to approach attractive women and spin out a line. "It was
horrifying," he says. "In the best-case scenarios, the women would kindly
pretend they hadn't understood me."
His ultimate success with a woman — his wife, Svetlana — was due to an
aggressive approach on her part. "If she hadn't come on to me and invited
herself over for tea with my family, I might still be like my students,"
he says.
A year and a half ago, Ogurtsov created an Internet chat line on the Russian
server Fido 7. Since then, Russians who use Fido say that it is one of the
most popular sites. He is planning to put up a web page in a few months.
Misha Kuznetsov, 17, has studied under Ogurtsov for a year and a half and
collected 30 phone numbers. Though not a regular at the weekly sessions, he
practices relentlessly on his own. "If I don't get a number, I consider the
evening a failure," he says.
Attracted to older women, Kuznetsov is insecure about his age. But since
Ogurtsov advised him to relax, lower his voice and think of his targets as
older sisters, he hasn't had a problem. He just walks up to women in as
casual a manner as possible and throws out a line like: "How is it that an
airplane flies but doesn't flap its wings?"
Such humor won't work, however, on women like Alexandra Pancheskova, 19. She
dismisses all strange men who approach her in public places. "Some of them
have this kind of walk, like they'retrying to relax but they can't," she says.
Pancheskova says she feels sorry for these men because "they're either too
involved in the pickup game or too desperate." She prefers meeting the
opposite sex at her friends' parties or in her university economics classes.
Although Ogurtsov's wife initiated the moves that led to their courtship, he
reminds his students that most women consider such forwardness a social taboo.
It is a man's duty to come on to a woman, he says. "Women have to sit around and
wait for a man to approach, and if no one is interested they are left alone
and can do nothing about it."
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