The Moscow Times. November 13, 1997.

Help for Shy Guys Seeking Women

By Katy Daigle

OSV       There are three ways to get to know a woman, according to Sergei Ogurtsov: sneak in, knock on the door or storm the gates.

      A self-proclaimed pikuper, or person skilled at picking up others, Ogurtsov, 26, advises hundreds of aspiring smooth-talkers. Every day, he answers about 20 e-mail inquiries, visits his Internet chat line and soothes nervous young people over the telephone. Once a week he meets his "students" in a park or discotheque, where they can test their latest skills.

      "Hello, girls. My friends and I wanted to ask you what you thought was the best way for men to approach women," Ogurtsov says, demonstrating what he claims is a nearly fail-proof line on two women recently in a cafe.

      Women prefer to be asked their opinions rather than their phone numbers. They also get defensive when they hear the same old lines, says Ogurtsov, who studied psychology and nonverbal communication in college.

      Ogurtsov's teachings are based on a survey he conducted of 100 randomly chosen women in the metro. Every respondent said a man's clothing was important. More than 75 percent said they couldn't name any specific actions they liked when men approached them, but that they liked originality. The older the women, the less patience they had with standards like "Hello, why don't we get to know each other?" or "Could I have your number?"

      Ogurtsov does not charge fees for his advice, he says. His motivation comes from a desire to help others avoid the trauma he endured as an awkward, shy teenager. Riding the metro to his university, Ogurtsov occasionally mustered the courage to approach attractive women and spin out a line. "It was horrifying," he says. "In the best-case scenarios, the women would kindly pretend they hadn't understood me."

      His ultimate success with a woman — his wife, Svetlana — was due to an aggressive approach on her part. "If she hadn't come on to me and invited herself over for tea with my family, I might still be like my students," he says.

      A year and a half ago, Ogurtsov created an Internet chat line on the Russian server Fido 7. Since then, Russians who use Fido say that it is one of the most popular sites. He is planning to put up a web page in a few months.

      Misha Kuznetsov, 17, has studied under Ogurtsov for a year and a half and collected 30 phone numbers. Though not a regular at the weekly sessions, he practices relentlessly on his own. "If I don't get a number, I consider the evening a failure," he says.

       Attracted to older women, Kuznetsov is insecure about his age. But since Ogurtsov advised him to relax, lower his voice and think of his targets as older sisters, he hasn't had a problem. He just walks up to women in as casual a manner as possible and throws out a line like: "How is it that an airplane flies but doesn't flap its wings?"

      Such humor won't work, however, on women like Alexandra Pancheskova, 19. She dismisses all strange men who approach her in public places. "Some of them have this kind of walk, like they'retrying to relax but they can't," she says.

       Pancheskova says she feels sorry for these men because "they're either too involved in the pickup game or too desperate." She prefers meeting the opposite sex at her friends' parties or in her university economics classes.

      Although Ogurtsov's wife initiated the moves that led to their courtship, he reminds his students that most women consider such forwardness a social taboo. It is a man's duty to come on to a woman, he says. "Women have to sit around and wait for a man to approach, and if no one is interested they are left alone and can do nothing about it."


Copyright© 1999-2000 Сергей Огурцов, Михаил Кузнецов Дизайн - Константин Титаренко